Top 10 Signs You’ve Lived in London Too Long

10. If you were in charge, people who walk at an average human speed would be hanged.

9. ‘It stops hurting after the first five stabbings.’

8. You can count all your ‘actor’ friends on more than one finger.

7. ‘Aren’t all bathroom covings black?’

6. You’re on first-name-terms with gang leaders.

5. ‘So where’s the best place to get Vegan, gluten-free falafel in Cannock?’

4. When you see a man’s chin you offer to help find his beard.

3. You are fluent in the language of the night bus.

2. ‘£10.50 a pint – that’s reasonable.’

1. ‘Dorset air is nice, but I like my oxygen smoky-flavored.’

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